Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
