he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
