he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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