i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
