first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
