I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
