A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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