Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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