So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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