I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
