Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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