DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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