What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
