I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
