Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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