You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize