just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
oh god was she eating orange peels again
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
