jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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