my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
