i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
