If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize