I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
