You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize