Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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