Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
