Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
