i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Enjoy the penises
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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