The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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