just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
