That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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