I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
