I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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