Whod you bang
I want to make a zoo with you.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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