but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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