It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
