so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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