maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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