Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm really busy with my period
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