sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
