My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
