I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
