The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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