i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
