My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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