im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
