This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize