so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
