i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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