The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
