I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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