My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
