guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
