They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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