even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
