Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
