Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
