Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
