So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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