is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
