Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
