You really coming over, don't trick.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
