I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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