I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
