I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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