And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
