True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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