just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
