He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
