you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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