I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
