I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
