My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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