I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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