I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
