i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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