Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
