fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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