i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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