Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
