dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
