He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
