Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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