That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
