my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sorry my hands just texted you
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
