she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
just found out that she named her cat after me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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