i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
