I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
