my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
