i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
