Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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