Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
