What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
