at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I AM VODKA MAN
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
