can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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