We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
